Ch.3 Principles of Coaching and the Second Brain

Powerful Proven Principles To Evolve with Purpose

Coaching is assisted mindfulness.

We guide clients and coach ourselves towards a greater awareness of resources inside us in the moment.

Resources include experiences, lessons, states, procedural knowledge, insights, inspiration, 'ah ha' moments. These inner resources are fundamental for our sense of competence and taking action. A key objective of coaching is simple to remember these, reconnect with them, and sit with them long enough for them to become full activated (again).

As well as awareness of inner resources in the moment, we can also become aware of outer resources like friends, family, social media contacts and networks that may be right under our nose. With a simple shift in focus we can connect with them.

It's amazing how many people want to help you when your reticular activating system is focused on an outcome.

It's also amazing how few people notice that inside them are huge libraries or databases of resources that they can tap to make huge strides: develop the processes that move them forward in life.

Coaching is a way to help you access these resources to move towards desired outcomes. A Second Brain is a way to access more reliably, and link them where they are most needed and useful.

7 principles of coaching

There are many schools of thought on coaching, and, for our purposes in this book, we will focus on 7 core strategies and frames:

1. Assisted Mindfulness

2. Dwelling on resources long enough to integrate them

3. Symbolism

4. Solutions-Focus

5. Process-Focus

6. End-State Focus

7. Focus on the one thing that's under immediate control/needs to get done

Coaching helps people take control of their lives without years of introspection or psychotherapy.

It can also complement to these, or be used as an adjust.

Coaching can be amongst the most transformational processes a person can engage with.

7 ingredients for transformational coaching

The core is to get a balance between:

• Life purpose

• Driving life questions

• Values

• Virtues

• Goals

• Specific Outcomes

• Ecology

That's where a Second Brain comes into its own. Because you can, as a coach or knowledge worker reflect on this. This clarity will only positively help you engage more with your other work.

So, for example, when you are clear on what's driving and motivating you in life, it's a lot easier to select goals, or even your battles if that's a value for you. It's simpler to set specific outcomes, and stay connected to them.

Coaching helps you manage the confluence between goals, purpose, values and specific outputs in life.

And it's more than that: it helps avoid weak or harmful goals. A goal is weak if, when you achieve it, you revert to old behaviours, old negative results or it doesn't somehow translate into something special and more magical in your life.

So the more enlightened way to think about coaching it to assist you to develop greater metacognition that enhances the processes you engage in (cognitively and externally), the best, most efficient and more important of which can become embodied.

The idea of embodiment requires thinking about the mind differently.

We are part of a community, and our brains literally evolved when we were in tribes and groups; we used our imagination to consider how others see us, so we could adapt our behaviours accordingly to make a valuable contribution (the looking-glass effect) and also develop unique skills we could contribute to the group.

The evidence for this powerful shift in brain size comes from observations that our skulls evolved to be larger in communities (to hold the larger brains that evolve naturally in community). We can see that skull size got bigger when we contributing as part of larger groups.

In this sense, a Second Brain acts like a kind of looking glass mirror where we highlight those attributes we want to work on, develop, move through and evolve.

A Second Brain becomes the repository of explicit desires like our purpose and values. It is a place where we explicitly record outcomes. More importantly, it is constantly evolving. As we evolve through insights that create a shift in perception, we record this in the Second Brain. By recording shifts in perception, we utilise the Principle of Articulation to gain further insights.

By slowing down long enough to dwell on what's a vague insight or inner feeling or intuition, we use the scaffolding of the Second Brain to stabilise our inner architecture. Now we have an embodied process developing where we know that the Second Brain can hold any worries, questions, desires, concerns, hopes, interests and aspirations.

Once we have this, it clears our mind. Working memory clear, we can work on our mindset, hone our thinking and take another step towards mindset mastery.

One of the most powerful personal insights and breakthroughs is this: When our working memory is clear, we hone our mindset, our thinking and take another step towards mindset mastery.

We then have more available working memory. Our conscious mind, our conscious awareness, is present enough to notice ideas, insights and novel solutions.

It reverses a cluttered mind where a person feels overwhelmed with tasks and ideas, past and present, what information you need, what to do, where to find it, and the continual requests on time and energy that never seem to stop.

It sabotages coaches and their clients. It can derail through a sense of dread and unease that is like a cloud that hands over them.

In traditional coaching, as in traditional therapy, a person may or may not write down outcomes and progress. They may have a great session and be inspired. Sometimes this will translate into action or results; sometimes not.

The focus in coaching is often on a result (ignoring the process and states of being). Or introspection (ignoring any wider results).

What we are looking for is to evolve beyond this where there is a consistent way to keep evolving a process that has feedback built in, and that develops what Daniel Siegel calls 'Mindsight': the ability to notice and observe your thoughts, feelings and inner world.

This is a skill that can be evolved and is a meta or unplanned outcome of much therapy and coaching. And it is essential.

Once you have a shift where you notice your inner world, it's worth noting. Because it tends to give further perceptions. and it lets you stabilise it. And signals to your inner mind that you both appreciate this kind of communication, and would value this relationship to continue - with more insights, inspiration and ideas.

As they come, you store them in your Second Brain.

Let's look at these ingredients of transformational coaching now in more detail.

Life purpose

This is an expression of how you would like to interface in the world. For me it's to create a more peer-based communities, less power-driven top-down models, an openness to dialogue, a love of sonder, freenoting, developing ideas and mutual exploration and adventure. Part of that is helping anyone, especially folk who have struggled, felt lonely or stuck. And at this time that includes a lot of young males who are actively excluded from life under the guise of promoting equality.

When you have a life purpose and direction that emboldens you on your quest, capture it - in writing - in your Second Brain. You will surely get greater insight into this, and gain soul-level sustenance on your journey. As will your clients.

Driving life questions

Driving life questions speak to purpose, values and virtues: these can be adventure and fairness, and being a beacon of light and hope. To be a scout that can inspire others.

My own life purpose has evolved though being in life and intense symbolic coaching for a couple of years and reflection. As I integrated that, I started to write down my insights more frequently.

At the outset, I had weak workflow. This included using multiple notes apps, notepads, whiteboards, post-its, with a ton of wasted effort. Even trying to index physical stuff bullet journal-style led to a library-like expansion of paper. My self-discipline mirrored this: intermittent at best.

It wasn't until I had a simple way to link ideas (Obsidian) and a simple way to handle and integrate all my read (Readwise) that this settled down ideally. In fact, I had thought that my journey ended when I was able to categorise all information into current projects, areas to keep an eye on, resources to come back to and dip into as needed and archives.

In fact, getting organised this way was hugely powerful because it taught me 3 things:

1. Only focus on what matters now

2. Make sure you can easily access what matters now

3. Maintain that focus by archiving everything else

It is important to express your driving life questions. Know that it is likely to evolve And it may take several iterations over several months to articulate fully what's driving you. But this is essential, and the process of using and evolving your Second Brain will make this happen naturally.

Values

Values have been maligned and misrepresented in recent years. Some people suggest that you should only look at behaviours. Others think that it is only results that matter.

Values are, however, fundamental states that drive us. They are what we will devote time, effort and energy to get more of. Values can be wide and varied and include family, caring, compassion, a sense of adventure and making a difference.

It is true that these can formed and people can be guided in these through covert framing tools. And that's where an ethical and enlightened coach who knows how to draw these out (educare) can do a great service.

A Second Brain allows you to see values in action, and adjust and update them accordingly. Sometimes we have old values that were instilled by school, parents or society that we need to move beyond.

Virtues

Virtues are ‘high moral standards’ and have a relationship to values. They tend to be more timeless principles of the ages. They are aspirational. Watching Cobra Kai with my son, Jacob, we watched Johnny head into a church to see an old friend.

“You don't do the right thing because it always works out,” the pastor tells Johnny. “You do the right thing because it's right.”

This is the essence of virtues.

These can be traditional stoic ones, and there are a number of systems, books and card decks. The most important is to develop your own appreciation. These feed into values, driving questions and purpose. And will effectively inform and direct your Inner Genie where to focus, what seeds to grow and nurture.

So even if you have a strong objection to something the world (away from motivation), take time to carefully consider what you need to foster in yourself. Rather than 'Terminator style I will go roughshod over anyone in my way' moving to a process of patience and compassion can be wiser.

Or you could choose, 'setting appropriate boundaries so people know what matters and where I stand’.

Virtues might sound quaint in our age, but at a time when companies are combining with governments and big corporations to create single narratives currencies and Groupthink, these have never been more important.

What do you stand for?

What's worthy of your attention?

Who are you going to expend energy to help?

Where will you place your attention and efforts?

Without a Second Brain, or Commonplace Book, it’s hard to evolve this vision. Many of us aren't able to evolve the awareness and metacognition. We don't have the Mindsight to grow and make subtle changes in emphasis that, over time, reap the results we want.

Goals

When most people think about coaching, they tend to picture a few stereotypes:

• the sports guy coaching a team. Think ‘Game of Inches’ speech in the film Any Given Sunday.

• Someone discussing outcomes in different areas in a wheel of life, in an HR setting.

• Perhaps something New Age.

Effective coaching transcends all of this. There are people all over the world who are powerful agents of change and able to use coaching to create core levels changes.

Achieving outcomes and reaching a goal is what many people think of as coaching. The relentless drive of the coach for achievement or the kindly empath who instructs you to draw out of 10 where you are in areas of your life.

Both fail to address the big picture.

If we focus relentlessly on goals, people get hurt. Recently, the governing British gymnastic organisation admitted its sole focus on medals hurt athletes. The Guardian reported, "British Gymnastics enabled a culture where young gymnasts were starved, body shamed and abused in a system that ruthlessly put the pursuit of medals over the protection of children."

People literally got pushed, bullied and cajoled. Not respected unless they get results.

A culture like that breeds psychopathic tendencies. And it's exclusive. It keeps people out.

The ends do not justify the means. No matter how outstanding the result.

On the other hand, a woolly circle of life is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. It's probably not going to evolve you.

We need a system where we can be internally oriented in a direction, a life direction, and be naturally inspired and motivated to set certain points as a way to gauge progress. Which is respectful and ecological for the person and their family.

That's where we can integrate both of these perspectives: the values that they are trying to get in the circle of life, with specific outcomes - all mediated by the awareness and increased mindsight that develops organically through your relationship with your Second Brain.

This can complement coaching well. In fact coaches can use this to enhance the experience of clients. And they can offer the additional service of helping them develop a Second Brain that is going to only help them integrate and consolidate the changes and gains they are experiencing from working with them.

For knowledge workers, it's gold.

We get to evolve out thinking. We get to be super clear where we are modify - and why. And we can pose questions, modify processes, note what essential to workflow, and all the wasted effort we can avoid by the process.

By documenting this way, I've found that coaches, therapists, hypnotherapists and knowledge workers have a ton of stuff they can teach, blog and engage with people online. By sharing how they are fixing and creating systems, they add great value to others - aside from everything else they are doing and offering!

This is like unlimited content creation for engaging with and building your audience Because now you become the scout who is going ahead, seeing what's there, and relaying the lay of the land.

Specific Outcomes

Values, virtues and process are things that should be built into any coaching program. And any Second Brain.

If it seems we don't need outcomes, think again.

We absolutely need deadlines to get stuff done.

We know where we are and where want to head. So we know how to deploy our resources, the most crucial of which is time.

So we have a way to measure and gauge progress. If we don't have these train stops on our journey, we only get a sensation of movement without progress.

For contrast.

The key is to set these in a very specific way. These principles I've evolved will turn you in a kind of quiet wizard that helps others achieve miracles. They are proven to work well with clients and you put them to use in your Second Brain by using these as prompts:

• Ensure any outcome or goal fits in with driving questions (what's most important in your life). This way you will emotionally connected to it

• Can be achieved in 6-8 weeks

• Share the deadline for accountability and treat it as real and immutable

• Can be articulated in writing

• The end result can be articulated so clearly an artist could draw an image of it

This is the key to making coaching work and integrate it with the Second Brain. You have to evolve a system that allows you enhance "mindsight", and create additional inspiration and insight

Done this way, we avoid the New Year's Resolution syndrome where folk start in earnest on a goal and drop out when the first obstacle inevitably appears. Instead we go with enthusiasm and excited towards.

Sometimes with have to dial down - or even dial up - the scope of our goals. Often we under-estimate how long they will take. But we must have them. They have end dates. And they must be part of an overall set of life processes.

They are not the be all and end all. Like buying a birthday present, booking a vacation or even taking out the trash, they are merely symbols of what matters to us. But they give us a sense of direction and a way to make a specific contribution for which we get remunerated.

Ecology

Ecology is the study of consequences. It's about considering how any outcome chosen, or not choosing could impact a person's life, livelihood, relationships and overall health. The golden rule is that it should benefit them and at least two others. It is not the numbers, but thought needs to be given to how much time, effort and energy is being expended on the goal. And how to maintain all the positive benefits of the current situation.

In the rest of the book, we'll be exploring how to coach while growing a Second Brain, including a powerful system that coaches can use to support their clients, or that you can use yourself. You'll be able to link together ideas, insights and resources, monitor success, follow templates, and move like you've never moved before.